Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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