Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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