filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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