I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
