dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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