at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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