It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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