Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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