i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Floor bacon is actually really good
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
