from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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