My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got inside last night via doggy door
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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