Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
