I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
