So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
