areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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