omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
