So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
