I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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