Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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