she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
