a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
