Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
