oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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