Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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