I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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