Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Randomize
