I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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