does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
