We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
