..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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