Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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