we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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