you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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