I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
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haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
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You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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