i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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