DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
