Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
