i think my tv is drunk
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
