If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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