My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
