i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
