no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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