I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
