If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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