like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
