oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
