Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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