Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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