I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
