i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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