Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Randomize
