So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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