There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
