Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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