I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
