I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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