I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
