And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
