I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
