your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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