Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
