I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
