plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
that's an acceptable place to lick
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
